Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Got Fetish? Preferred deviant type behaviour or Sideshow Freak

A friend recently asked me to suggest some fetishes he might pretend to have to call different sex lines for an article he was writing, below is the result. Although I don't participate in any of these 'activities', it's always interesting to think how people get off behind closed (and for that matter opened) doors. Feel free to comment and add your own descriptions for fetish sex acts you won't find in the kama sutra.

Watersports: Sounds like you have penchant for water sking but if you can hook up a pair of skis to a stream of piss, then God bless you.

Armpits: Think you're a freak, no, there are literally thousands of 'tasteful' people who have grown up loving the deep beauty of a woman's most sacred curves. Better when hairy.

Balloon: The caring touch of a woman carressing a piece of inflatable plastic can cause an orgasm in some. Who would have guessed.

Vampire: coz bondage is for wimps. Bare shoulders, leather and your buck teeth blazed into some bitches throat. Your mom will be proud.

Smothering: Whether face sitting or wrapping a dunne store's plastic bag around your head (expensive since they started charging), it's all safe fun kids.

Cutting: So you like blades and women. Why not combine the two while having sex, nothing like spurting it out while she gillettes your wrists.Hypno: Pretend you're under the influence of a swinging watch while she stands on your balls. Flinch and its her right to shit on you. Classy.

Messy: Wrestling in mud, custard pie in the face and prat falls into paint. Vaudeville comedy apparantly lives on in the bedroom.

Xenosex: You're a filthy racist and get off having sex with other races and religons. At least you're not a Nazi collaborating bastard. (Xenosex is supposedly about getting off to electro-wavelength recordings or copulating with aliens according to whichever site you want to believe on the internet, thought I made up the name for this one but I was wrong.)

Voyeur: Two gorgeous lesbians having sex in honey and you only want to watch. Face it you're a fag.